Help Wanted!

So I've spent a lot of time recently looking at job apps for a couple of maintenance positions we've got open, a secretary II position, and also for a recreation position I've been asked to help fill.

This is one of my favorite parts of the job because it can be so entertaining!

First of all, we have a few preliminary questions for the maintenance position so that we can make sure our candidates have SOME kind of experience. Supposedly, the HR department screens out the REALLY bad ones, but enough make it through to be entertaining.

For example:

Question: How many feet in a yard? Answer: 2

Oops! Ok, not terrible. But a little amusing.

Question: What does GFIC stand for? When is it used? Answer: [sic] i don't no

Wow, did a GFIC attack you when you were little? GFIC? I don't...NO!!! (runs screaming into the night) (BTW, the correct answer is Ground Fault Interruptor Circut (or Circut Interruptor) and it's used in bathrooms, kitchens etc. to trip the circut if it overloads.

Question: How many 1/16 are there in one inch? Answers: 1, 10

Well, 1 I kind of get, that whole math thing. But 10? Big neon sign for "random number I pulled out of my ass."

Question: Why would you like to work for our company? Answer: Yes

Ok, this really makes me doubt your affirmative answer to "Can you read, write, understand
and speak English?"

Question: What motivates you in the workplace?

Answer: "The outcome of a job well done and the satisfaction of other."

Other what? Don't leave me hanging!!

Answer: "My family and god."

Really? Good thing your family will be working here with you...oh wait.

Question: What training do you have that pertains to this role?

Answer: "I have work in a Amdmin positions for a little over two years now completed various office tasks" (and she also lists "great written skills"!)

Stop this logic train, I gotta get off!


Question: How are you able to provide assistance that allows your supervisor to be successful in their job? (I didn't write the question, I'd have done it correctly!)

Answer: I can assist my supervisor in anything that she or he may need help with because for one it is my job and second my duty!

First, it may be splitting hairs, but aren't your job and duty pretty much the same thing? Secondly, may I suggest a career in the military?

Question: Why do you want to work for *company*?
Begins thay are a good employer (secretary candidate)

Um, yeah. What she said.

Once they've answered the questions, they get to fill out an application.

To anyone who's applying for a new job: Take a minute and think about what you are going to write. Would you hire someone who wrote what you just wrote? Really? Remember, we don't know you this paper is the only chance you have to impress us enough to get an interview... And for heaven's sake, if you are applying to be a secretary, where one of the essential functions as listed in the job description is good writing skills, please, at a bare minimum, spell check your answers! Firefox'll do it for you even!

Also, if you aren't going to read what you wrote, don't put any of the following as skills: "attention to detail" "strong written communication skills" "great written skills"(which doesn't actually even make sense!). It will make me laugh and call you a liar.

And now, a selection of my favorites from these apps:

Reasons for leaving:
-change of place
-I was promoted from a level I to a II so I left
-personal reason
-I was talking on my cell phone and got in trouble, even though everyone always talks on their cell phones.
-witness in suicide

A few highlights from the apps:

"I played a major important roll at my last job"
"taught on good sportsman ship"
Job duties: (secretary applicant) "phones, filing, scedual appointments, make sure UPS is on tiem, Getting parts in, greeting cutomrs, runnign parts..ect."
Summary: "power point,quick books,word, very good with computers, very friendly.opend for more hours"

And my favorite of today:

"I see this as a fine opportunity to finish my career."