Job Applicants, again

Don't give me a number with a machine that says, "Hi, you've reached *name* and *name*. Leave us a message and we may get back to you, because we kinda suck at checking the machine."

Professionalism at it's finest.


**ETA**

Cell phone message for this applicant: "Hi, this is *name*, and I'll get back to you when I feel like it, which may be a while.

Nice.

Dear Wrong Numbers,

I'm not lying to you when I tell you it's the wrong number. If you call the same number again, you are going to get me again. Not Bob, or Jill, or Jen or anyone. It's just me. The first time, no biggie, we all make mistakes. The second time, mildly annoying, but I understand, maybe you'd dialed wrong the first time. Anything after that is just excessive. And, I may start to mess with you.

Oh, and frickin' pay attention to the voice mail before leaving a message. It says "This is KATHERINE, I can't answer the phone, please leave a message." Clearly, not Bob, Jill or Jen.

I hate you for wasting my time and cell minutes,
K

Help Wanted!

So I've spent a lot of time recently looking at job apps for a couple of maintenance positions we've got open, a secretary II position, and also for a recreation position I've been asked to help fill.

This is one of my favorite parts of the job because it can be so entertaining!

First of all, we have a few preliminary questions for the maintenance position so that we can make sure our candidates have SOME kind of experience. Supposedly, the HR department screens out the REALLY bad ones, but enough make it through to be entertaining.

For example:

Question: How many feet in a yard? Answer: 2

Oops! Ok, not terrible. But a little amusing.

Question: What does GFIC stand for? When is it used? Answer: [sic] i don't no

Wow, did a GFIC attack you when you were little? GFIC? I don't...NO!!! (runs screaming into the night) (BTW, the correct answer is Ground Fault Interruptor Circut (or Circut Interruptor) and it's used in bathrooms, kitchens etc. to trip the circut if it overloads.

Question: How many 1/16 are there in one inch? Answers: 1, 10

Well, 1 I kind of get, that whole math thing. But 10? Big neon sign for "random number I pulled out of my ass."

Question: Why would you like to work for our company? Answer: Yes

Ok, this really makes me doubt your affirmative answer to "Can you read, write, understand
and speak English?"

Question: What motivates you in the workplace?

Answer: "The outcome of a job well done and the satisfaction of other."

Other what? Don't leave me hanging!!

Answer: "My family and god."

Really? Good thing your family will be working here with you...oh wait.

Question: What training do you have that pertains to this role?

Answer: "I have work in a Amdmin positions for a little over two years now completed various office tasks" (and she also lists "great written skills"!)

Stop this logic train, I gotta get off!


Question: How are you able to provide assistance that allows your supervisor to be successful in their job? (I didn't write the question, I'd have done it correctly!)

Answer: I can assist my supervisor in anything that she or he may need help with because for one it is my job and second my duty!

First, it may be splitting hairs, but aren't your job and duty pretty much the same thing? Secondly, may I suggest a career in the military?

Question: Why do you want to work for *company*?
Begins thay are a good employer (secretary candidate)

Um, yeah. What she said.

Once they've answered the questions, they get to fill out an application.

To anyone who's applying for a new job: Take a minute and think about what you are going to write. Would you hire someone who wrote what you just wrote? Really? Remember, we don't know you this paper is the only chance you have to impress us enough to get an interview... And for heaven's sake, if you are applying to be a secretary, where one of the essential functions as listed in the job description is good writing skills, please, at a bare minimum, spell check your answers! Firefox'll do it for you even!

Also, if you aren't going to read what you wrote, don't put any of the following as skills: "attention to detail" "strong written communication skills" "great written skills"(which doesn't actually even make sense!). It will make me laugh and call you a liar.

And now, a selection of my favorites from these apps:

Reasons for leaving:
-change of place
-I was promoted from a level I to a II so I left
-personal reason
-I was talking on my cell phone and got in trouble, even though everyone always talks on their cell phones.
-witness in suicide

A few highlights from the apps:

"I played a major important roll at my last job"
"taught on good sportsman ship"
Job duties: (secretary applicant) "phones, filing, scedual appointments, make sure UPS is on tiem, Getting parts in, greeting cutomrs, runnign parts..ect."
Summary: "power point,quick books,word, very good with computers, very friendly.opend for more hours"

And my favorite of today:

"I see this as a fine opportunity to finish my career."

Dear Drivers,

If you are going too slow for the lane you are currently in, the answer is not* to move over to the left. This causes problems for everyone. If you want to go slower than the speed limit and the speed of traffic on the freeway, do us all a favor and move to the right.

Thanks.


*not=99.9% of the time. I'm sure there's some weird case were it would make sense.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of The Year!

I decided to take a trip to one of the many local malls this weekend, Fashion Valley Mall. I love this mall, because it has some of my favorite stores in it, and it's just a nice mall, open air, decorated nicely, etc. Since it is still nice here in San Diego (low 70's), a walk around the mall with my daughter seemed like a nice Saturday activity.

Apparently, everyone else in San Diego County had the same idea. The parking lot was jammed! I even went to the back entrance where it's usually not as bad. But, we got fairly lucky with a parking space, and were on our way. There's nothing like a trip to the mall to reaffirm my belief that the general population is generally morons. Well, maybe self-centered gits is a better description, but either way I have little to no patience for such obliviousness.

The lack of awareness is just astounding. Hello! You are not the only person in the mall. If you want to stand and talk to your friend, there are a few nice benches over there, out of the flow of traffic. Heck, just take two steps to the left or right. At the very least, if you fail to do either of those, don't get all mad when the 6 dozen of us who are actually trying to walk in the walk way bump into you.

Parents with baby strollers: The world does not revolve around you just because you have a kid. Also, when did baby strollers become the size of small elephants? You have one infant, roughly the size of a large turkey. I promise you, a stroller the size of a Mini Cooper is not necessary for an afternoon at the mall. If you don't believe me and bring one anyway, don't get mad when it doesn't fit through the aisles in the stores. And for the love of God, don't abandon it across a major aisle way blocking half the store, or if you do don't give me a dirty look for moving it. If you'd lined it up parallel with the aisle as opposed to the more perpendicular direction you chose, I could have squeezed by. Now, if you've tried your hardest to place the stroller out of the way, and I just happen to need the one thing behind it, I will look around for you and ask nicely for it to be moved. It's common courtesy. Or maybe uncommon courtesy, but you reap what you sow.

Speaking of common courtesy, let's talk about parking. I have the same philosophy on parking. We all know the parking lot's tight, but if you park within your lines, I will do everything within my power and contorting ability not to door ding your car. If you park over the line 4" in to my space, however, all bets are off. I won't do anything deliberately, but I won't go out of my way to be extra careful either.

In the end, I think I'm done with the major malls down here until after Christmas. I will do Black Friday, but that's up in Orange County, and is done with a very specific plan of attack, starting at 5 a.m., and done by around 11a.m., just as the madness is shifting into high gear.

Because I'm Crazy!

Crazy: Near my house, there is an intersection with a Starbucks on every corner, so 4 Starbucks within about 500 feet.

Crazier: All of them have a line almost out the door at 7:30 a.m.

Craziest: I'll spend $4.35 on a fancy, sugared-up cup of coffee. Regularly.

I<3 peppermint mochas!

Because the Court System Really Cares...

Here's 3 stories of divorce and custody battles. These all happened within the past year-18 months, in the same jurisdiction, same court house (San Diego, CA).

First, a mom has custody of her two children. Dad's got a documented history of spousal abuse, including convictions. There is limited, supervised visitation with Dad. Dad decides he's tired of paying child support, so he sues for more custody. Both are under 12, so the court doesn't take their opinions into consideration. Mom brings up issues of past abuse and the fact that Dad currently misses most of his visits anyway, and the fact he's just looking for reduced child support. After the mediator tells her, "Well the abuse was a long time ago, so it's not really a factor anymore" he recommends Dad receive 30% custody, which the judge grants. Dad takes his visits for about two months, then gets injured on the job and goes on work comp and doesn't visit or pay child support. Mom goes back to court because of the child support being in arrears, wins wage garnishment, which isn't currently being enforced due to the workman's comp.

Next, mom and dad have 50-50 custody. They live about 20 miles from each other, Dad lives 5 miles from the child's school, Mom lives about 15. Mom decides "San Diego's too expensive" and decides to move to Mexico, but commute across the border everyday. Dad says, "I don't want our child living in a third-world country with unsafe water, high crime, unreliable healthcare, and a corrupt government." They go to court, and mediation, where the mediator won't even try to mediate a solution. (Mom wants 50-50 to remain the same and be allowed to move to TJ. Dad wants 70-30 if there's a move, no move, or at least some reduction to minimize the impact to the child. Both sides bring up evidence for/against the move. (My personal favorite, Dad cites a recent incident at the local hospital where drug lords took hostages in the ER. Mom says "My husband and I aren't into drugs, so it won't be a problem." Yeah, because the first thing the drug lords do when they take over a hospital is let the non-drug involved people go.) The judge says, in court, "The only issue I have with the move away is that of the border wait and the child getting to school on time. I don't see any health and safety issues." and allows 50-50 and the mother to move away. (3 months later, I hear she's looking for an apartment back in the States because the border wait is too long.)

Third, mom and dad are divorcing. Dad, who really hadn't been part of the child's life when the parents were together decides that now he wants 50-50 custody, and he's not paying child support. Mom doesn't argue with Dad directly, but files for 70-30 custody, and a support order. Dad fails to show up for mediation 3 times, and then fails to show up for court. Mom is awarded 70-30, spousal support and child support including daycare costs totaling over $1000/month. (In CA, support is based on a fixed scale, depending on the relative incomes, unless both parties agree to more.) Since Dad works for the Government, it's an automatic deduction from his check.

What's the point? In all three of these cases, the judge and mediator failed in their duty to look out for the best interest of the child/ren. Thankfully in the third case it did work out for the child. As long as Mom or Dad aren't abusing the child or do in drugs in front of the child, Mom and Dad's "rights" are more important than the child's. I would think that this is what mediation is for, but it seems like the mediators are either overworked, or don't care about their jobs (or a combination of both!), or maybe even unexperienced.

But really, we just need Judge Judy to go back to working family court. She'd tell them what for!